So much has happened and wow, haha it's much more than words can describe. I thought about so much stuff.

I thought about capability, about life attitudes, about what we should focus on, what defines the self, whether who i am is a result of what has happened to me in my life at specific times. I thought about what happiness was, i thought of optimism, pessimism, the reasons why people can be so pessimistic, and whether my optimism is real or delusional. I thought of appreciation, i thought of who i am, i thought of life, i thought of death.

And guess what, no im not sinking into despair (haha you wish lilong)! i just figure things out. I realise life's like that and things don't always go the way you want them to, even if you try your very best. sometimes trying your very best might not even be enough. I thought of what we should learn to focus on. today at tuition i saw this post-it, "yearn for the fight, not for victory" nice :)

I realised that to me, what matters very much is the people around me. the relationships i have with others, with institutions, with whatever metaphysical things there may be. i realise i define myself in terms of the people i have around me and the things i have accomplished which mean much to me. i realise i should focus more on the process instead of the result. i realise that would make me even happier than i am today. i realise sometimes i should really give myself a break and kitkat, and stop having overly high expectations. i realise i might not know if my optimism is intrinsic, inherent or extrinsic. but nevertheless, it's something i will learn to answer as i mature. but above all this, i realise that i will still believe. "our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising up everytime we fall".

Alright i shall not go into further details my mind can really be thinking alot and i thank Prof Nuyen for this :) sometimes i really wish i have a wise old man to turn to everytime i have doubts!

jem says "why are you always so busy". i hope i'm not getting caught up with things. sometimes i really feel like im a busy little bumblebee, but rest assured i always have time for people i love. on the contrary, i will never have time for those i don't give a shit about so.. hahahaha. and i'm really glad to have found another great friend, ever so funny and cute and sweet :) also seriously considering about staying in hall next sem. ohwells! time to take a nice break with badminton with the guys tmr :)

And i wish you joy and happiness but above all this i wish you love

:)
10:38 PM